My journal.
This is my journal. Ill use it to document stuff that Im doing and my feelings.
The dates will be in the format DD/MM/YY and the time will be in 24h format. Next to the times will be my emotion at the moment of making the entry.
01.11.26
19:06 (apathetic): Scream and shout let it all out.
21.10.26
21:07 (apathetic): 'Im driving too fast Im driving too far.'
20.10.26
14:44 (apathetic): World sucks.
19.10.26
06:15 (apathetic): School today god dammit.
17.10.26
11:21 (apathetic): God I hate sticky keys.
09.10.26
19:03 (apathetic): So where is this 'bloody friday'?
08.10.26
21:40 (angry): Far-rightists like Karol N, Grzegorz B and Donald T are the reason why I think political violece is justifiable in the fight against far-rightism.
21:36 (angry): Cofederation is literally just fascists.
21:22 (angry): Fuck PiS. They REALLY ruined equality. Imma bet that theres a far-right contagion where Trump secretly falsed the Polish elections in favor of Karol N and they both falsed the elections in Germany in favor of AfD. Oh also they probably tried to fraud the elections in Hungary but didnt succeed.
16:17 (apathetic): Look at those to schools witch were attacked. Def the schools not doing anything abt smth caused these. Fuck favorisation.
05.10.26
20:03 (apathetic): I gotta still update my mod.
03.10.26
12:34 (apathetic): Also ughhh I gotta read a lecture.
12:30 (apathetic): My parents want me to work in weekends even though I have go to school? Hell no. Its thier issue.
28.09.26
19:26 (apathetic): Ok added the misc page
06:18 (apathetic): Idk what to write.
26.09.26
15:47 (apathetic): Johnny Mold.
15:05 (apathetic): I like ruminating. It just makes me sad so that I always remember to kill myself before 18 y/o.
Also I PROMISE I will make the misc page cuz I havent made it in like 10 days.
Nvm its 13 days.
23.09.26
15:16 (anxious): I dont feel safe in my school anymore. I wanna skip it for the next few days because Im concerned for my safety.
22.09.26
18:14 (apathetic): I tought the thing would happen in September but Nope its in October I guess. LUCKY ME I GUESS.
17:18 (angry): Shit internet. And to think we pay 230zł for it a month.
16:42 (apathetic): Sometimes world is a wonderful place. I wish I would be alive for longer but I cant.
I cannot outrun my fate. Not anymore.
21.09.26
21:21 (tired): Idk what to write.
17:38 (apathetic): I still think I will get expelled and I will be a lost cause during and after the hospital visit. I was always worthless in the eyes of the goverment.
17:28 (apathetic): On Friday a psychologist in my school asked me somethings. One of the things she asked made me furious and I said something in the lines "THEY WILL INSTUTIONILIZE ME FOR GOD KNOWS HOW LONG AND THEN ILL BE EXPELLED FROM THE SCHOOL FOR BEING ABSENT THEN WHAT WILL I DO?!". This fear of being instutionalized from the court case is making me really unhappy.
17:23 (apathetic): I could have had a life but I am forced into not having one.
19.09.26
23:08 (tired): Yesterday I got Discord. Also guess what I got another rash.
18.09.26
15:55 (sad): Soon all of this will end.
17.09.26
20:11 (apathetic): Im still making the mod.
16:10 (angry): Guess what. Another rash. Im going to rip my fucking skin off.
16.09.26
16:05 (angry): UGHHHHHHHH ANOTHER RASH.
15.09.26
20:19 (angry): Why 99% of the world illegalize assisted suicide? Like WHY? If people dont want to live a life that they have been forced to live then why not give a right to die? If you are forced to live a life then you should have a right to die but NOOOOOOO because most of the nations leaders are fucked up rightists witch want people to follow what they believe witch most of the times say 'dont kys cuz immoral' or some shit like that.
19:13 (angry): If I had the time, energy and capability to argument and write how grilled up I am at society for its mismanagement then I would write a suicide note with a manifesto in it.
19:00 (apathetic): If you really think abt it society is fucked up. My beloved example being: Instead of fitting the society to the needs of people with mental disorders they just straight up fucking drug or 'train' what they call 'retards' until they fit the societal norms witch I mind you DOESNT WORK ALL OF THE GODDAMN TIME.
18:18 (apathetic):
'In my universe;
My reality;
I can always be;
Who I wanna be'
17:55 (apathetic): I cut myself accidentally. So I wanted to see how sharp a knife my mom had and so I just lightly pressed one of my fingers on the blade and moved it. It was really sharp. Also Idk why I had to do it.
14.09.26
20:33 (apathetic): I finished programming.
17:16 (apathetic): Im programming a mod witch could be called 'HUD++' if it gets finished.
15:30 (apathetic): Btw that chorus was from a song called 'Maj' by Michał Szpak (at least I think).
15:17 (happy):
'Zatrzymaj mnie;
To mi nie pomaga w ciągłym stresie;
Dzieli nas wdech;
Myślisz że jest łatwe ciągłe życie w kratkę;
A zatrzymaj mnie;
Chce mieć w sobie spokój;
Niech mi ktoś pomoże;
A może nie'
At least this is good. I can thank life for music I like and only for music I like.
15:00 (apathetic): I dont think Ill be alive for any longer than a month and at best a year. Life is just miserable.
13.09.26
22:18 (tired): Im planning to add the 'Misc' page back again tommorow.
10.09.26
18:09 (apathetic): If I had a grosz for everytime my websites storage usage went down after a major update then I would have 2 grosze witch isnt a lot but its wierd it happened twice (it went from ~1MB to ~270kB to ~255kB).
09.09.26
Logs (11).
21:42 (tired): Finished updating my website. Fixed/added some things. I just gotta make the not found page not so janky.
Thats all for today. Goodnight
19:24 (angry): Ok I found out how to do make things shorter.
19:16 (angry): Great JUST GREAT I HAVE A RASH ON MY ARM. IT JUST COMES UP LIKE ONCE A WEEK AT THIS POINT.
19:09 (angry): I wont regret a thing.
18:38 (angry): I think Im writing a lot of logs just to release my frustration of this day and even this fucked up life.
18:30 (angry): Pew pew pew Im now dead hahaha.
Also yesterday I heard my cat meowing in my room. There was no cat in my room.
I should be happy that I dont hear non-existent voices and I dont
18:25 (angry): I believe in multiple universes but who knows how many copies of myself are there suffering the same fate as I do with only difference being that they survive more and more unlikely scenarios. Like an universe where somehow I lay my head on a train track and somehow survive. What a nightmare.
18.16 (angry): 'Sometimes reasonable men must do unreasonable things' I like that quote.
16:50 (angry): I tought the math class in the new school would be good but its becoming more of a chore witch I dont want to do.
15:47 (angry): Life is the definition of misery and suffering.
15:35 (angry): THIS LIFE SUCKS. IM GONNA KILL MYSELF.
08.09.26
16:10 (apathetic):A person visits thier depressed programmer friend.
They ask: 'So what are you planning to do in life?'
The friend replies: 'Nothing.'
So they ask: 'Why?'
The frient replies: 'Because my life will soon </html>.'
06:35 (tired): If you see that my website updated without noticeable change then that means that I updated the SiteStyle.css witch will be for the next major update of this site.
So yea Im technically updating the future site.
05.09.26
19:12 (angry): I tought that was the last log but I gotta make another one.
Soooo... MY FUCKING INTERNET SUCKS ASS. IT DOESNT WANT TO LOAD IMAGES.
18:01 (apathetic): Im making a ver 3 of this site.
04.09.26
20:00 (apathetic): The school is fine but that doesnt stop me from being sad and wanting to die. :P
01.09.26
14:06 (apathetic): 'I didnt know I was lost'.
30.08.26
17:45 (sad): Im an atheist but I want to exist in some life after death. I dont want to die and be in a state of unexistance I want to die and see something in real time.
My path has been already written and Im going to die soon. In a year, month maybe a week Idc because it was written all along.
Not to add the school witch I will be starting in 2 days.
28.08.26
15:25 (apathetic): So I made a program in Python to generate the big font.
26.08.26
17:52 (angry): Living in a hellhole isnt fun ya know? I either take the gun or take the train.
25.08.26
19:46 (sad): Also heres my ASCII font. Enjoy.
19:31 (anxious, sad): School is in 1 week and the court case in like a month. If I dont win it Ill be placed in a psych hospital and my futures ruined cause if I go there then Ill stay there for months if not years and by then Ill DEFINETLY skip like 25 to 50% of the tech school witch I wanted to go to. Because in the hospital I cannot use computers then definetly there wont be any programming lessons. And when I get out of there then what? Do I just redo the 4 year school again? Get a minimum wage job in some grocery store that I wont like? Do I fail as a person? All these options are horrible. If I lose the case then Im definetly killing myself.
20.08.26
22:54 (sad): I fucking hate myself. Its a misery that I live in a world full of people praying for my fall. Like cant they give me a day off from telling me that I wont be anything? This is why I dont plan on living past 18.
16.08.26
22:20 (apathetic): I posted on the forum to get a bit of help in making WIFS because it doesnt update constantly.
20:25 (happy): Ive done it! I programmed my first mod in Lua on TPT YAY!
15:07 (apathetic): Why is the WHOL in TPT source code called NWHL?
12:54 (tired): Today I had wierd dreams.
The first dream: I was with my family on a road trip in Bydgoszcz and I saw a tunel. We went in there and there info plates witch said that it was 2km long and that it was made due to erosion.
The second dream: I saw a first person view of a person on what seemed like a mobility scooter??? just driving and scanning enviorements like an University, some roads and a Dino shop. This was the first loop. In the second loop it happend again with no change and in the third loop it was also ALMOST without change exept the person I was viewing ran over a Dino worker (while still being on the scooter).
The fuck is wrong with my dreams bruh??? Oh also not to forget that the second dream was also in Bydgoszcz.
15.08.26
21:03 (annoyed): My internet sucks.
18:57 (apathetic): There was a broken link in the main page because I accidentally used src instead of href in an anchor tag.
06:51 (tired): I got only 2h and 22min of sleep witch is still better than that one time when I had no sleep.
Anyways I noticed a higher than usual amount of views on my site so thanks.
Yall might ask what will you get from this site and the anwser is me just writing stuff here and occasionally updating stuff. Most of the 'writing stuff' will be me just saying 'fucking kill me' or stuff in these lines.
So 'enjoy' Ig.
Sorry (not) for the yappacino.
14.08.26
16:54 (sad): First entry. Everything before this isnt archived.